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Desert Nights

 
Exhaled the deep rooted malignity of purpose, I crept away into the silence of desert. Opened my eyes into the stillness of night sky, I was filled with the sprinkles of brilliant stars. The coolness of moon had caressed the white sand, the chillness in summer was tossing my warm heart. O' Yang you have blamed me for so long, everyday you asked me to live like a desert raven. The master says, "fly my bird, go and bring me a meal". It flies high over the barren land, and comes back with a delicious meal. It never asks 'why' to its master, it just flies high in search of food. I used to laugh on Yang's wisdom, "poor bird, one day it will be my meal". When I asked you "why do we live?", you replied "we live to live!". Never convinced, I moved ahead in the quest of truth. My heart was pompous, my brain was sharp, of course I was higher in thoughts than you. Yang, your success and gain are nothing, one day you will be dust, and what with your name? For the purpose I strive, for the want of life, while you were on float in the river of life.

Ah, the stillness, that melody of stillness! Like forty days between the stars and sand. I counted the stars and the grains of sand, none was greater than the other in count. An ant crept on my elbow, in romance did I talk to her, she was beautiful, darkened by the hardship of Arabia. As the night passed, a buzzing sound deafened my ears, was it a jinni or a humble mosquito? How could a mosquito live without water? Puzzled, I still gazed at the stars. The contour of the moon was carved so strong, I grasped the sand and it oozed through my fingers. I asked myself, perplexed and disturbed, "O' God if you are there, will you prove it to me?"

It was a question alien to my mind, everyday I woke up in faith and will -My destination is God and I am nearing my goal. But alas a question, faithless and raw. Like an unbelieving junk of flesh, so has I become. O'   , I couldn't pronounce his name. What shall I call him without any belief, who shall I call now to share my sorrows. O'   , the void that was inside my heart, is now filled with tears from my eyes. In unbelief I gazed and the colors have faded, the moon had lost its contour and the ant was just a blackened insect. My romance had lost its wetness and my poetry had lost its rhythm. O'    , when will you return to fill my heart, the precious spirit I was longing for. The goal is lost, for I don't know whether there is any goal. My belief has lost because I don't know if there is a '   '.  Straying like a wanderer without any destination, my life has gone from purpose to process. The tinier I felt under the brilliant sky, the tinier i felt my need for the quest of truth. 

I met Yang, and I said he was right. My failure in the other world embarrassed my dreams. Early in the morning I left for this world, joining with Yang I piled up the stocks. It went away like a gamble, lost in this world. Ah, this world was my wine, where 'why' is forbidden. Richness and glory were all along, ah never exhausted with the heaviest of stones. Averse of death, I moved my life - "This life is everlasting", I cried to my soul. Certainly with the smell of death, I would regret this purposeless life. O' desert, what you taught to me was not what Moses said, I became the opposite of what I was before!

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