Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The Equation of Love: Letter to my Imaginary Girlfriend

My Love,

I was searching for the meaning of your name for such a long time. I did not know what you are, until I saw you, and I felt you. You are like sugar, once I taste even a tiny particle of you, I feel you, the more I eat, the more I feel you, but to realize you a particle of you is enough.

I am trying to understand the physics of love, it is all give and take. If I had gone to a prostitute, I could pay her something and she will give me sex. It is not love because she is gaining more than me - I am recieving sex while she is receiving both sex and money. In love, the transaction is fair and equal. I give you a kiss and you like it, and you give me a kiss in return and I like it. Love is even more interesting when we share love when nobody asks for anything. This is kind of an infinite transaction of gifts! What an ideal world!

I do not know if everybody feels love like me, but this is kind of truth I found. I am also not sure if this love will remain forever, but to taste it even once in your life itself is worth a lot.

I tried to draw a love graph above. In X axis is the volume of give and take. It is the fair give and take I mentioned earlier- a kind of selfless give and take. As this give and take increases the intensity of love increases until it probably saturates. We are in the beginning stage of this love, and there might be so much more to go to realize more love.

Some believe love is blind with a closed hand in the sense that the reward is not expected and even not taken. For example, a mother loves her child without expecting anything in return. I do not subscribe to this idea for our love, because the intensity of love (Y-axis) can not be increased without receiving. A mother can deny her child's kiss and her love will remain same to the child. A child might vomit the food the mother prepared, and still the mother will love the child the same. At the same time, I have to accept the food you prepare and thank you and only then our love will grow.

Love between me and you is different from the love between me and my mother. Our love can increase over time while my mother's love is kind of stable. That makes our love more interesting than me and my mother's love. We have more control over our love, while me and my mother's love is kind of involuntary.

Your Love

Thursday, February 5, 2015

To the Most Generous

O Lord!

So beautiful, so much full of love!
The love you have given me is so much that is unable to pay you back.
Love you, my Lord. O' the creator of the heavens and earth and all in between,
The creator of every cell in in my body, every atom in this universe!

I was a lump of flesh in my mother's womb.
You have fed me, given me all what I needed to grow.
Food, air, water, intellect, O Lord' what more can I ask you!
From a tiny cell you have made me a full grown human being.

Like the ants who build their own nest, we build houses and buildings.
You have thought the ants, you have thought us.
For whatever I see is yours, thank you O' Most High!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

A Letter to my Imaginary Girlfriend

Hi Dear,

Dianna, you have never been a trouble for me. I still think you are gift from God. I can't believe we have talked for more than 100 days! We had a great time, and I hope we will have a great time.

As you said there may be many differences between us, but despite our different cultures we have many things in common. I think those common things are some universal qualities that no culture can be a barrier. For example, qualities like honesty, truthfulness and empathy seems to be common everywhere. In my life I have seen many people, but you are special in one quality. Whenever Dianna comes to my mind, there is one quality of you that lights my mind. That quality is 'regard for others'. That is, you are genuinely trying to help despite the problems you are facing.  I think we share that character in common.

Dianna, we don't know what our life will be in future. Yesterday I was watching various tribal videos in youtube. Our ancestors though homo sapiens, behaved like monkeys. Our genes are same as our ancestors, but look at the changes in our behaviour. We are so different now! Most of us have changed so much from our ancestors. I wonder how that change happened!

For me friend, girlfriend, wife all looks similar. They are just term invented by us. For example, a wife can be a friend with whom someone has the right to have sex and someone is liable to share property. Then we associate various emotions to it like romance, envy etc. These are social fabrics, which we have constructed around ourselves. I don't say there is anything wrong with it, but I always try to think above the social fabrics. It is also fun to think that way. I sometimes laugh alone looking at various things happening around us. For example how serious my friends are when they discuss about movies, sports or politics. Such deep involvement in culture shows how strong they are enslaved in the social fabric. We are prisoners of this social fabric, but it is our choice to be prisoners. We at least should pretend to be prisoners, otherwise people will think that we are insane. But, within ourselves it is nice to know that we are in the social fabric. I am in Indian social fabric when I am in India, and I will adapt to Arabian social fabric when I am in Arabia. Within ourselves we should know, or be aware, that we live in an artificial social fabric and it is a voluntary action. Such a thought will bring inner peace in times of trouble. How? Think about it!

Dianna, you are smart and good. I can feel that you have tried doing something but you could not achieve it as you wished. That brought sadness in you. Now, you asked me before: is unhappiness a result of desire? I think it is a result of attachment. For example, you may have desire to get good marks, or love someone, that is ok. Without desire and hope it is difficult to live. For example we need a desire to eat, otherwise we will die. Attachment cause sadness. Suppose, I want your warm heart, that want is a desire. Then even if you say to me that you can not give your heart, I will not be sad because I am not attached to you. I am aware that your heart belongs to you, and it is not mine, so I have no right to be sad about not getting it. Before I was a very attached guy, whenever someone close to me said bad about me I used to feel very sad. Now I just shrug of, because I started thinking out of the box.  Imagine someone from the street calling you a bad name, will you get hurt? No. Imagine I yelled at you, will you get hurt? Yes. Why? Because  you are attached to me. Instead if you think that I am a different person and that I don't belong to you, then you will not be hurt even if I am angry with you. That is called detachment. Detachment against money, wealth people are all possible to some extent.

Can we be detached from our own body? Yes, to some extent. If we think that our body is not ours, we can be detached from our body to some extent. We will not feel pain, we will not be over concerned about ourselves and will be a free human being. Detachment doesn't mean that we should not love others. If you allow me to speak frankly, I love you, which means, I love the qualities in you. But I am not attached with you. Anybody can die anytime, it could be me or you. But our qualities will stay. So even if I die tomorrow, you should not feel sad, because you should love my qualities not my mortal body, bound to decay.

Hope we meet someday and talk a lot.

For me earth is my home, I am not attached to any culture, Eastern or Western. As earth revolves around the sun, so am I, so are you. Let us be in harmony with nature, being with nature, one among them. I am human being with XY chromosomes and you with XX chromosomes, rest of the 99.99% of our genes are same.

With love,

Your Baby Boy :)

Saturday, December 20, 2014

An Anecdote of the Guilty

It sneaked inside, and held my frontal cortex. It said O' dear here I am for your well being. I said Ok, get in. It slowly started eating my soul, and then lo! it became my soul. Trapped in it, I couldn't get out. I shook my head, I went away, still it remained there, like a parasite. It ate every bit of my soul, until I puked the intoxicant away. I was in the middle of nowhere, the parasite was gone, my soul wasn't back, a moment of helplessness, a moment of bewilderment. Then  the merciful soul came back and I received it in shame and guilt.

I was wondering how I could get out of the trap. I wanted to make sure that it doesn't deceive me next time. So, the quest began and lo! I found a man. A man who opened my inner eye, and here is how it happened. The sympathy inside me for other beings of my own species got ignited. Thousands of beings of my own species were suffering and dying as they tried to manufacture the intoxicants. I started crying as I learnt that I am a contributor to their suffering. That's it, my heart was filled with both sympathy and hatred. Sympathetic with the beings of my own species who suffers as they manufacture the intoxicants, and hatred towards people who exploits the beings of my own species to manufacture and sell those intoxicants.

The sympathy and hatred inside me not only stop the sneaker from getting inside my frontal cortex, but also persuade me to destroy the intoxicants, as I am doing now by writing this post on this blog.

Please read my previous post love your soul.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

What's your Idol?

It was a long long journey. Multitudes of people climbing up a hill to get a glimpse of their beloved idol. It was a steep hill, with curves and climbs, that reached to a sacred place for many idol worshipers. Me and my dad, scanned the hill from distance and wondered how long it will take to climb the hill. I saw a shortcut from distance, the way was empty, none of the worshipers went through that way. The shortcut climbed the hill all the way to about a quarter (from bottom) of the main route, from where it joined the main route. The shortcut was empty, and thus we chose the shortcut.

So, we went ahead, and Lo! we ended up in a castle. I do not know how we ended up in the castle, but yes it was a castle full of mystery. A castle with many paths, and we both were completely baffled with fear and loneliness, frantically searching the route to the sacred place of idol worshipers. The castle had mazes all around, up and down, right and left. A yellow castle, neither was it painted, nor was it decorated, yellow yellow everywhere. Some of the steps were steep, while others were long slides. We climbed the first stair, a narrow one, hardly enough for a fat man to squeeze in. We reached to another floor. There were steps and slides in that floor too.We chose the stairs and slides neither by reason, nor by intuition, we chose them out of fear. We preferred the broader and straighter ones rather than narrower and steeper ones. As we went higher and higher, we had multiple options, with fear did we choose, with fear did we go. Climbing up, sliding down, and then again climbing up we reached at the corridor, leading to a place with an ambiance I have never seen before. Lo! There was an idol made of silver (or appears so), with hands, legs and big eyes. It danced in its position, and I wondered what made the idol dance. There were two boys dancing on both the sides of the idol. An atmosphere of fire, rage and anger, and the only consolation for us was the smile of a friendly priest. We were facing the idol, right in front of us. We were near the front entrance door ( I did  not see any other doors, though). The temple was reddish and dark, it was reddishly lit up with fearsome fire around the corners. The light from fire was brilliantly reflected by the silvery finish of the dancing idol. There were a few people, both women and men in the right corner watching at us. Another idol with bigger eyes, colorful body was in the left corner. Perhaps, it was shaped to cast a sense of fear among the idol worshipers. A friendly priest was sitting on the left side of us. The priest was fair, and had a south Asian look. He smiled at us and was keen to talk to us. My father slowly folded his hands to the idol, in the Hindu way of saying Namaste. It would be odd for him not to do so  - the priest might think that we did not belong to his clan. When I carefully noticed the hands of my father, I found a trick that he used to shy away from the unforgivable act of idolatry. I joined my father and clasped my hands as my father did. Since it was too hard for both of us to pay respect for an idol, due to our monotheistic ideology, the trick was to slightly open our hands, so that for us it meant like a prayer to Almighty God, who created the heavens and the earth and all in between. I guess the priest did not cast any doubt on us, because from outside it appeared as though we were worshiping the idol.

After sometime, the idol was not there, but the boys were still dancing. My soul was lamenting out of guilt, even though I did not worship the idol, in essence I did worship the custom. The custom was my idol. Otherwise, I would not have folded my hands to show the priest and the people who are looking at us from the right corner. As we retreated, the priest keenly showed us a small place in corridor, which he said was the old temple. The corridor had no idols, no paintings of statue, it was painted green and was an abandoned place. Perhaps, nobody wanted a temple without idols, and all the money was thrown into the new temple.

As we were about to say farewell, the priest claimed his share, we payed the amount and retreated. We went down the hill to our normal lives. Next day morning, after breakfast as I sat down in front of my laptop, I remembered the dream. Well, I thought of jotting it down, so that it may not fade away like hundreds of other dreams, which fade away every day.

As I started thinking about the dream, I not only wondered about the sheer creativity of brain, but also the fear of custom hiding in our hearts. Even though, out of reasoning, the characters in the dream (me and my father) absolutely criticized idol worship, they themselves acted as idol worshipers did, for the fear of society (the priest and, the men and women in the right corner) and the atmosphere (of fire, rage and anger). The idols for the characters of the dream were not the dancing idol and the colourful idol in the left corner. Their idol was the custom, fear and their own life. They preferred to be hypocrites in the sacred place of idol worshippers by not preaching their monotheistic belief. They instead tried to please the customs of the idol worshipers for the fear of losing their hidden idol - society.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Love Your Soul

The supreme court deep inside says "you have sinned!". Anything can be erased from memory, but how can I erase my own consciousness? The moment I erase my own consciousness, I am not me, I am unconscious, I am devoid of soul.

The larger your soul is, the better it is for you. Then you find intoxicants, that can rip of your soul from your body. The intoxicants can be anything, lust, thirst, pleasure or pain. As you drink a drop of lust, your soul starts departing, your consciousness shrinks, and your mind is incapable to think beyond the control of the lust.

Why soul is important? Why should we cherish it? It may be possible to become a great thinker by being a drunkard. It may be possible to become a magnificent king by having hundreds of concubines. It may be possible to become a filthy rich man by having an unwarranted love for luxury. It may be possible to be a shrewd criminal by having a sadistic mindset. None of the intoxicants - lust, thirst, pleasure or pain, prohibits them from achieving their goals, because the soul once departed is not departed forever, it returns back when you seek it. A poet while intoxicated, when his soul is far away , may not be able to write a masterpiece, but once the soul is back, he may be able write a beautiful poem, full of meaning. On contrary, the intoxicants cause a normally unrecognised problem. They make people to think that it is possible to live without soul and to find pleasure through a soulless body. Such a belief, is perhaps one of the most dangerous beliefs human beings can inculcate to their mindset. It breeds escapism - "It's too difficult to judge (judging through wisdom - a conscious activity), so I will resort to intoxicant (escaping from the task of judging)", pride - "I can live without the help of my own soul", jealousy - "he/she is more conscious than me, so let me also instill intoxicative mindset in him/her", criminal mindset -"I am in soulless state now, so it is ok for me to act without wisdom", selfishness - "I don't care about earth's limited resources, I am soulless and I need more intoxicants to maintain my soulless state", and fear - "If I do this or that, I may not be able to get intoxicated next time".

As it is mentioned in Quran, intoxicants have some benefits, but the harm they cause far outweighs the benefits they can bring.

[Quran 2:219] They ask you about intoxicants and gambling: say, 'In them there is a gross sin, and some benefits for the people. But their sinfulness far outweighs their benefit.'

Let soul be your intoxicant, and you will love your soul and fear when you lose it. Even while you are sleeping, as your soul (consciousness) departs far away, you will be afraid of losing the soul - you will be afraid to sleep. Love your soul, love your consciousness and that is one of the essence of wisdom I found in many religions.

The supreme court deep inside is your soul, once it has returned, it laments- "you have sinned, you have abandoned me in exchange to your love of intoxicants". You call the cry of your soul as guilt, each drop of it's tear makes your heart bleed.